I can’t help you move this weekend- I’m writing a book. (548 words)
There’s a novel brewing inside you that you are dying to get on
paper, but where’s the time? Maybe you’ve been waiting to take that
cooking class because, let’s face it, you’ve just about exhausted every
way of doctoring up mac ‘n cheese. Or maybe you just need a day of
relaxation because you’ve pushed yourself to the limit but, alas, no
time. Where is your time going, anyway? Let’s see…work…eat…sleep…help
John move…walk Karen’s dog…take Chris to the airport….wait! With all
this time for other people, where’s the YOU time?
You’re a good friend. You’re Mr. Reliable or Miss Always-There. We
get it. But when you’re the one who needs a favor from you, you don’t
have the time. So something’s got to give if you want to live a
meaningful life. Learning to say NO to others might be the route to
saying a bigger YES to yourself.
Saying NO is sometimes not an easy task. We want to please. We want
approval. We want evidence that we are good because we fear that maybe
we are not. Maybe we want to get closer to someone and we don’t know
another way to have intimacy. It could also be a way to avoid your
creative pursuits with the illusion of a good excuse. Or maybe you just
don’t know how.
Are those behaviors ringing a bell? Is your over-yes’ing getting in
the way of what matters to you? Fear not. There are solutions. Often,
shutting the door on obligations opens windows of opportunities.
Here’s a simple plan that can help you tame your yes-reflex:
- The first thing is to identify what you want to do that you feel you are not doing. It may be one big project or a bunch of smaller dreams. Whatever your list looks like, it’s good. It’s you.
- After you’re done figuring this out, ask yourself “Why is this important to me?” Dig deeper. Make it bigger. Maybe you want to go to the gym. Well, sexy calves are cool, but how about health, peace of mind and a sense of accomplishment? The bigger your YES, the harder it will be to give it up.
Once you have a list of what matters to you, it’s time to make a
filter to handle all the “please help me’s!” that come your way.
- Anytime a request lands on your plate, ask yourself one or any of these: Do I want to do this? Do I have the time? If I say yes to this, what do I have to say no to?
- If you are still unclear, create a scale to rank your priorities. Ask your friend, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is this to you?” with the caveat that they can’t always use 10’s. Is your friend asking you to help clean out her son-in-laws garage or for a ride to the doctor because of a raging ear infection? You get the picture. 10’s are for special occasions only.
After applying this system, I bet you’ll start living a life that
resembles the one you actually want. Saying NO has such a bad rep but
really, it’s a path that can lead your towards more freedom, gratitude
and self-esteem. NO is magical. NO is your friend. NO kidding.
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