It’s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer
no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations
they work for, it’s common to hear about the “Drama” plaguing their
companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing
on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the
company successful.
If we could just get through the drama, the business decisions and real work isn’t that hard…
It’s easy to blame drama on others. After all, you’re the good guy
in these dynamics; why don’t they get it? One of the most difficult
challenges for aspiring leaders is to “own their stuff”—to acknowledge
that they are equally responsible for creating any situation where drama
exists.
I learned this lesson working on a writing project with another
author – my dad. He had some great ideas that I was happy to work with.
But then he became controlling. It was easy for me to see how things
were falling apart – and it was his fault! He was the one who
wasn’t listening. He was the one who was setting impossible deadlines. I
was ready to take all I knew about eliminating drama and apply it to
him.
Most drama is caused by four primary energy-draining personalities
that sabotage workplace collaboration and synergy: the Complainer, the
Controller, the Cynic and the Caretaker. The Complainer is the one who
is never at fault – not enough time, resources or support. The
Controller has to be in charge – perhaps micromanaging, sometimes being
the bully. The Cynic must be right; often pointing out how others’ ideas
will never work and making fun of the person who brought it up. The
Caretaker wants to be liked so much that they say yes to everything,
which becomes a problem when they bite off more than they can chew and
they miss deadlines.
Like me, most people want to start with the question: how to I help others change? But, we have found that before you can guide others, you have to take inventory of your interaction strengths and the ways you sabotage
relationships. The strength inventory is usually easy. It’s fun to
appreciate your talent and amazing ability to do what you do. The
sabotage inventory is more difficult. It requires the vulnerability and
courage to seek others’ candid observations and advice about your
behavior.
Taking my own advice, I asked myself what my part was in creating the
drama. I wondered which Drama personalities I was using that were
sabotaging us. I noticed how I had fallen into Complainer. I didn’t have
enough time to do everything he asked and his requests were too hard. I
realized that I would have micromanaged someone acting the way I was.
Then I saw my Cynic. The enthusiasm I had at the beginning of the
project had become critical… I saw everything wrong with what we were
doing, but didn’t offer any suggestions to change. Once I saw myself in
these drama roles, I could shift into taking responsibility –
renegotiating our deadlines and making suggestions for how we could
change the writing to be better.
By identifying and correcting the four drama roles (Complainer,
Controller, Cynic, Caretaker), you are well on your way to eliminating
drama. If you want even more clarity, invite your work colleagues,
family members, and friends to give you timely, direct feedback.
Here is a quick way to start looking at how these drama roles show up for you. Ask friends and coworkers:
- Where do you see me complaining? Not taking responsibility for my situation?
- Where do you see me controlling? Taking over and micromanaging?
- Where do you see be being cynical? Discounting others or being sarcastic?
- Where do you seem me caretaking? Rescuing others instead of letting them do things on their own?
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