It turns out Garth Brooks was right. When you have friends in low
places, you’ll have plenty of company to help you drown your blues away.
But did you ever consider that your friends are contributing to your
problems? Research shows that who you are is a function of who you know.
Your friends help shape your outlook, values, emotions and behaviors.
Their influence acts like an invisible hand that can either pull you
down and thwart your efforts to reach your goals or give you a physical
and psychological boost to help you create the life you want.
Psychologists call this invisible hand “emotional contagion” or “social contagion,” and it can work for or against you. Learn how to avoid its death grip and start letting social contagion help you create a richer life.
News flash! Your income, weight, happiness and professional success
are the average of your best five friends. When you hang out with rich,
fit, happy and successful friends, guess what happens? They rub off on
you. More specifically, social contagion says their emotions and
behavioral attitudes rub off on you. If you think about this, it makes
sense.
Parents have long known to be careful of who Johnny befriends,
knowing that the wrong crowd could sway little Johnny to do things he
might not be inclined to do on his own. Of course, once we grow up,
we’re sophisticated and mature enough to not let outside forces shape
us, right? Woops.
Emotions and attitudes are infectious. Have you ever brainstormed
with somebody really creative and found yourself becoming more creative?
That’s why having a workout partner is so successful. You pull each
other up and shape each other’s attitudes and behaviors. You
instinctually want to order the chili-cheese fries but at the last
minute decide to order what your more fit and healthy friend orders
instead. However, social contagion also has a dark side. Ever been
around a bunch of Debbie Downers? What happens to your creativity,
outlook and ideas. They turn to rubbish.
So what’s the takeaway? How can you exploit social contagion to help
you create a richer life? You need to be more conscious about who is in
your life. You wouldn’t let a stranger in your house to rob you, so
why would you let a colleague or “friend” rob you of your best life,
something much more valuable than your big screen TV and Bee Gee’s
record collection? It’s time you give the finger to those people in your
life that are dragging you down — kindly, but firmly, pointing them
toward the door.
Sound too harsh? Social contagion says emotions, attitudes and
behaviors are contagious and can spread from one person to another like a
virus that causes the flu. Do you go out of your way to be around
people who can make you sick? No, of course not. Then why risk being
infected by those in your life that spew their negative attitudes and
behaviors onto you?
But how do you know who’s a friend and who’s a foe? There are only
two types of people in this world, and the sooner you discover this, the
happier, more fulfilled and successful you’ll become — even if it
means dumping your best friend, neighbor, or, yes, even your mother.
The “friend” types are what I call Energizers. These
are people that lift you up, give you energy, make you want to be a
better person, inspire you, make you feel good about yourself and your
life, encourage you to take risks, and motivate you to achieve your
goals and dreams.
The “foe” types are what I call Leeches. These are
people who suck the energy from you, who make you feel bad about
yourself and your life, complain, are negative, gossip, talk you into
doing nothing, and bring you down.
The next step isn’t rocket science. You need to rid your life of
Leeches and replace them with Energizers. Yes, it’s really that simple.
It might not be easy, but it’s simple. If you’re struggling with
eliminating the Leeches in your life, then give them a second chance.
Tell them that you’re on a mission to reach your goals and that you need
positivity, constructive feedback and support. If they’re not willing
or able to do this for you, cut them loose. They’ll be okay. They’ll
have plenty of friends to drown their blues away.
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