Personality typing systems abound on the Internet, some of them more
reputable than others. Facebook quizzes and other social media sites
will tell you everything from which cartoon character you are most like
to what love story your life most resembles. You can spend hours
answering questions on some online dating sites that will help you
clarify what you are like and what you want to see in a mate. And then
there are professional personality typing systems such as Myers Briggs
that will help you figure out which of 16 personality buckets you fit
into. These are fun but are they really useful? Well, the more you
understand about yourself the better you’ll be able to relate to others.
Here’s why.
Understanding That Not Everyone is Like You
One of the biggest “ah ha” moments for me in exploring various
personality typing systems is really understanding the vast differences
in personality types. I used to be confused or take it personally when
someone wouldn’t be pleased by the same thing that pleased me. We’re so
used to hearing the golden rule: Do unto others as we would have them do
unto us. But really, it should be: Do unto others as they would want…
which may not necessarily be what we would want ourselves.
For example, let’s say your introverted wife says she absolutely does
not want to celebrate her birthday with a big party. She would much
prefer to have a private dinner for two. You, the extroverted and loving
husband plan to knock her socks off with a big surprise party, thinking
of course, she will be thrilled! She probably was only saying she
didn’t want a party because she didn’t want you to fuss, you think to
yourself.
You throw the party and she puts on a strained smile. Then at the end
of the night, rather than showering you with praise and kisses for your
thoughtful efforts, she accuses you of not understanding her at all. Or
perhaps she just goes off to bed quietly, thanking you, but obviously
not showing the grateful affection that you’d expected. You both feel
hurt and misunderstood.
Understanding Personality Types
The scenario above is just one example that can lead to
misunderstanding and hurt if you aren’t aware of the differences between
you and the person you’re trying to relate to. Though it’s impossible
to know the personality types of everyone, by understanding types you
will be more aware of potential differences and accepting that when
someone is different from you, they are not trying to be frustrating or
annoying – they are being genuine. They are probably just as frustrated
and annoyed by you as you are by them. However, by talking about the
differences in your personality and accepting your different styles, if
you can resist the temptation to scream, you may find you can complement
and learn from one another.
Another example may be two co-workers. One likes to make decisions
based on facts and information. The other is a visionary and makes
decisions more on intuition and experience. They may each be very
frustrated by the other’s style. However, if they can work together and
accept each the other’s strengths they may be able to combine data and
intuition to explore more possibilities than either of them would have
explored if they were working alone.
Try thinking like someone else
Instead of becoming frustrated by people who are different from you,
make it a habit to learn from them. Maybe even try to think like them –
not permanently, but just to try and develop skills that are out of your
comfort zone. If you are the type of person who likes to have a plan,
try a day of being spontaneous. If you are someone who is usually
reserved, try being a little more open.
Even though it’s important to understand yourself and what your
natural personality is, by appreciating, respecting and understanding
the differences of others, those feelings will most likely be
reciprocated, and you’ll enjoy stronger relationships. The world would
be a boring place if we were all alike. We are naturally drawn to people
who are like us because we feel they understand us. However,
you can learn to understand someone who is different from you by
listening to them and being open to their different take rather than
trying to convince them of your way of thinking.
By becoming more aware of your personality and that of others, you
are more likely to enjoy and learn from the unique personality of
everyone you meet.
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