In ages past, a friendship was supposed to be a sacred bond between
two people. Despite the interconnectedness of our age, many people lack
friendships that have depth and true understanding. Many people
experience the pangs of loneliness without anyone to turn to. Yet a
friendship that is true and strong is not a bygone myth. It is possible
to have a deep and lasting friendship if there are certain pillars to
support it. Read on to find out what these pillars are.
Acceptance
Before you can be true friends with someone, you have to accept
them. If you cannot do so, you will always find fault with your
friend’s actions or behaviour. This makes it very difficult for your
friends to relax or be themselves with you. They will always feel
judged by your standards. If you find yourself judging your friends on a
regular basis, they may not be the right kind of friends for you.
Thus, acceptance means ridding yourself of any preconceived notions
of how your friend should behave. Success occurs when your friends tell
you that they are comfortable being themselves with you. Whether they
are silly or serious, happy or sad, it does not bother you. Acceptance
is a great gift to bestow upon your friend. It is a vital pillar of a
true friendship.
Understanding
A solid friendship stems from a deep understanding of each other. If
you cannot place yourself in the shoes of your friends, you will find
it hard to empathize with them. If you are not aware of the reasons
behind their actions, their actions will perplexed you on a constant
basis. This state of affairs could lead to a breakdown in communication
between the two of you. When that happens, it is easy for
misunderstandings and problems to arise in the friendship.
True friends understand the reasons behind the actions of their
dearest friends. They know what makes you happy and sad. They know how
you think and act. They know why you do the things you do. This makes
it easy for them to empathize with you. So make the effort to truly
understand and accept your friends. When you do so without expectation,
you would have laid the foundation for a strong friendship.
Trust
Trust takes a lifetime to build and mere seconds to destroy. A
friendship without trust is like a fish without water; it cannot
survive. If you cannot trust your friend, you will always remain
guarded in their presence. You can never be open, honest or your true
self with them. Putting on a mask or an act on a continual basis is
tiring. This false front will create barriers between friends that will
hinder any strong bond from forming. A friendship without trust is
hollow and a waste of time and effort.
Therefore, trust is vital to a deep friendship. When there is trust,
both of you can be honest about your thoughts and feelings without
worry. Of course, there is a need for tact in your speech. Being
honest does not mean being hurtful on purpose. In a solid friendship,
both parties can depend on each other to watch their backs when the
going gets tough.
Altruism
Actions always speak louder than words. Before a person can receive,
he or she must first learn to give without expectations. One who only
cares about his own self-interest would find it hard to form a deep bond
with anyone. How can a deep friendship happen if both parties are
unwilling to give for fear of losing out? A friendship that is all take
becomes a pain very quickly.
Altruism is therefore an important pillar of a deep friendship. This
means having the best interests of your dearest friends at heart. When
you have this mindset, sincerity flows naturally into your actions,
laying the cement that will form a strong friendship. It could take the
form of prudent counsel or support when they need it the most. Or it
could be help in other areas of their lives. Done sincerely, your
friends will always know that they have a bulwark to turn to in times of
need.
Taking Action
A friendship that has the pillars above as its foundation is likely
to be a deep and lasting one. Not all the pillars will be easy for
everyone. Some people have difficulty trusting, others have problems
with acceptance. But since everything you know is learned, it means you
can also unlearn ineffective behaviours.
If you manage to find friends
who stand by you through thick and thin, treasure them, for they may
just be the ones to teach you about the pillars of friendship. A deep
and lasting friendship takes time to build. That is why we should start
early with people whom we feel are worth it.
Are there any other pillars of friendships that I have missed out?
Feel free to give your comments on what it takes to have a solid
friendship.
The Vizier blogs at Han of Harmony.
Here, he gives tips on how to live life in harmony with the times and
circumstances. The Vizier enjoys learning and finding new ways to deal
with the challenges of life. Whether it is gaining inspiration from
books, observing people or just living life, he learns and reflects so
that he can share his insights with others.
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