Love is in the air . . . or is it? How strong is your marriage or
relationship with your significant other? You may think you know, but
are you sure? What would your spouse say? The strength of your
relationships is more important than any investment you’ll ever own. If
you’ll obsess over the stock market and how well your portfolio is
doing, doesn’t it make sense to invest a few of the other 8 hours into a marriage check up?
After juggling careers, kids, and life, there can be very little time
left over for your spouse. When there is too much to do and not enough
time, our relationships are typically the first victims, followed
closely by sleep. Fortunately, we have Valentine’s Day to save us! But
when it comes to love and relationships, this once-a-year-thing isn’t
working.
The key to a richer life
is making sure the big three are running smoothly: health, money, and
relationships. The good news is that you can go to a doctor to get a
physical and determine with great accuracy your current level of health —
everything from your BMI, cholesterol level, blood pressure, bone
density, etc. The same holds true with your finances. It’s just as easy
to get a snapshot of your current financial health by calculating your
net worth and cash flow.
But when it comes to our relationships, we often don’t have a clue.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a check up or stock market type score for
your marriage to see how last night’s fight has affected the
relationship today? Wouldn’t it be great to be able to gauge how the
relationship has done over time? As much as you want to rely on your gut
feeling, there’s really no way to know how strong your marriage is . . .
or is there?
Here’s where we can learn a few things from the business world. Every
quarter, public companies disclose the previous three month’s sales and
income. As an investor, you get a clear snapshot of how the company
did, what went well, and what went wrong. There is no guessing; the
numbers don’t lie. A couple of bad years for a stock and the board may
fire the CEO. A couple of bad years in a relationship, and you-know-who
might get replaced!
There’s an old saying that goes, “What you measure, you can improve.”
My recommendation is that you schedule a quarterly date with your
spouse to measure what’s working and what’s not working in your
relationship — call it a marriage check up. Why not just go with your
gut? Because your gut is wrong. Has your spouse ever been upset with you
for something that you had no idea about? Or have you ever been upset
with your spouse and she had no idea? It’s not enough to “feel good”
about the relationship. You need to test it. But how?
Asking your partner during an American Idol commercial break, “We
good?” just isn’t sufficient. There are many useful assessments that can
help you gauge the health of your relationship including the Marital
Satisfaction Inventory, Marital Adjustment Test, and the Quality of
Marriage Index. Tests like these are great because they can help bring
to surface minor issues before they become major problems.
I’d also recommend scheduling an hour session with a marriage counselor
once a quarter. For a few bucks and an hour of your time, it is the
best investment you can make in your relationship. It can be helpful to
have an expert review the results from the assessment and help resolve
any issues that arise.
You may not think twice about buying jewelry, flowers, and chocolates
to express your love this week, but if you want to do something that
will really strengthen your relationship, add a marriage check up to
your calendar. It’s not quite as romantic as a love poem, but it beats
getting fired!
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