Like it or not, life is sales. Even if you aren’t anywhere near the
sales department in your work, I’d bet that almost every day you need to
persuade, convince or find an agreement with another person.
A key sales (and life) lesson is simply this: just because you don’t get a response, that doesn’t mean the other person isn’t interested.
Although we all dislike the pushy salesperson who goes for the hard
sell at our expense, I’d say the majority of people are too passive. The
assumption usually is: if people don’t respond immediately or come to
me, it means they aren’t interested in what I have to offer.
I can think of countless examples where this kind of flawed thinking plagues people:
- The person who assumes nobody wants to talk with him because he sits quietly in a corner during a party.
- The person who thinks that her offer is not wanted because the email wasn’t replied to.
- The person who believes he isn’t wanted at an event, because he didn’t receive an invitation.
- The person who feels the customer isn’t interested because she didn’t reply to the first sales message.
I think there are some reasons people are biased towards being too
passive (more on that later), but I think the effect can be dangerous.
By misunderstanding the feedback given, many people give up too early in
going after what they want, and assume a lack of encouragement is a
sign of failure.
Lessons in Fundraising
I spent the past summer as a volunteer, seeking sponsorship dollars
for University events. In many cases I needed to call, email or
voicemail a dozen times before I would hear a response back. However,
when I finally did reach the person I wanted to speak with, that person
was often happy to participate in the program.
My instincts told me not to step on toes. If I left one voicemail,
missed call or email message, that should be enough to compel the other
person to want to speak with me. I felt it would be rude to contact
multiple times without hearing a response.
My instincts were wrong. People are busy. Unless something is a
personal priority, it can often take several messages, several contacts
before you can get a response. And, when you do reach the person, they
aren’t angry at your persistence, they are usually thankful for your
extra persistence.
Although I learned this in fundraising, I believe it applies almost
anywhere. How many times can you remember yourself stopping because you
didn’t immediately receive a, “yes”?
How Not to Be a Spam Artist
I’ll admit, there is a danger here. Be too aggressive and you become a
spam artist. You become the guy (or gal) who invites himself to parties
where he isn’t wanted. You become the obnoxious Lothario who won’t back
off.
I don’t think the solution is to just go in the middle ground.
Whenever there is a compromise, you lose something, and I think this is
no different. I think if you follow just a few simple rules of thumb,
you can have the enthusiasm and zeal to go for what you want, while
respecting the interests of other people.
Here are a few of my personal rules:
Never invest less in an interaction than the other person.
If you want something, commit the time. Sending a bulk email to 100
recipients is easy, and that’s exactly why most people ignore them.
Handwritten notes, personal calls and emails you write individually all
show you care about the interaction and not just the success percentage.
No means no. While no response doesn’t mean you
should give up, always allow the option of a clear no. I suspect most
people wouldn’t care as much about spam if the “Unsubscribe” links
actually worked. When fundraising, I would be persistent in my calls,
but I backed off as soon as I had an unambiguous answer.
Provide an exit. Don’t corner people. Give them a
polite, socially acceptable option of refusal. Some marketers and
salespeople twist the social norms to make it difficult to get out of an
interaction. Success coerced isn’t success at all.
Always provide a fair deal. In an equal transaction
(where you offer as much value as you take), there should be no need to
feel guilty. It’s the times when you offer less than you’re asking for
that being pushy isn’t ethical.
Beyond Selling
I think this idea has merit beyond the world of sales and persuading
other people. I believe it is an idea that fits with how life often
works.
Think about the last time you gave up on a project because you were
getting mixed feedback. You assumed that a lack of response meant a
lack of interest. When often, a lack of response simply means a lack of
persistence on your side. Many goals, even those you eventually achieve,
have moments where it seems like you aren’t making any progress.
The people who succeed in life are the same people who don’t give up
before they hear a clear “no”. Even if you aren’t remotely involved in
sales or marketing professionally, be the kind of person who doesn’t
leave before a decision is made. If you want something, go after it, and
don’t let mixed feedback stop you.
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