It’s natural to experience nervousness when meeting new people. So
much hangs in the balance of that delicate first impression. Act the
wrong way and you might be perceived as stupid, weird, or worst of all,
the dreaded creepy.
To prevent this from happening, its important to understand body
language and the way it affects perception. By reading the body language
of others and managing your own, you can create the first impression
that represents you best.
The Basics of Body Language
The idea of reading body language can seem like voodoo, but the truth
is you’re already doing it. The mind subconsciously interprets body
language and uses it to form impressions.
Do you ever have impressions of people that don’t seem justified?
Maybe they strike you as strange or untrustworthy, but for no particular
reason? Chances are, their body language is giving off bad signals that
your brain is reacting to subconsciously.
Once you start paying attention, these signal are easy to spot. It’s a
language you already speak and it’s extremely intuitive, you just need
to become consciously receptive to it. This post is intended to be an
overview of the basics, but there is more good info here and here.
Projecting Openness
The key to appearing friendly and approachable is projecting
openness. Fortunately, it looks just like it sounds. Examples of open
body language are:
- Arms at sides (as opposed to crossed).
- Outward facing palms
- Legs stretched out and uncrossed
- Elbows away from the body
- Leaning forward (like you’re interested)
- Standing straight (no slouching)
If you are in a good mood and open to meeting people, you’ll
naturally have open body language. We run into problems when we’re in a
sour or reclusive mood but still need to be sociable.
Maybe you’re tired, nervous, or a person who doesn’t enjoy big
crowds. In these cases, you can actually put yourself into a more
likable mood by assuming more likable body language. It sounds crazy,
but it works. Force yourself to smile a giant smile and you will
instantly feel (at least a little bit) happier. Try it you don’t believe
me.
If you are in a social situation and feel things aren’t going well,
your natural tendency will be to hide behind closed body language. This
will only make things worse. You need to fight your first instinct and
focus on projecting the open signals listed above.
Eye Contact
Making eye contact is crucial. Have you ever met someone who couldn’t look you in the eye? What was your perception of them?
Refusal to make eye contact conveys a lack of self confidence
and trustworthiness. It makes other people suspicious and unlikely to
respect you. Make a concerted effort to look every person you speak with
directly in the eye. If that’s too much to ask, an old trick is picking
a spot on the lower forehead to stare at.
Eye contact is also a great way to start conversations. The eyes are
the window to the soul, so making eye contact creates a powerful
connection. Be careful not to stare, but if you see someone you’d like
speak with, try to make eye contact as you walk by. If successful, try
to open up a conversation.
Adjusting to the Signals of Others
Managing your own body language is only half of the equation. The
other half is recognizing and reacting to the body language of others.
If you notice a person has closed body language, it’s a sign you
should give them space and proceed with caution. Some people just don’t
want to be talked to. Forcing the issue will likely exacerbate their
negative feelings.
That’s not to say that closed people should always be avoided, but
it’s more effective to warm them up slowly. It’s likely they’re just shy
or nervous. When they see your friendliness and open signals they might
open up. If not, just move on. It probably has nothing to do with you
personally.
Engaging in Conversation
The purpose of open body language is to encourage people to converse
with you. This is where you become the life of the party, the person
everyone wants to talk to.
Conversation is a subtle art, and this deserves an entire post, but
the most important thing I’ve learned can be conveyed in a paragraph:
Ask people about themselves. Find what they’re
passionate about and what they’re trying to achieve in life. The answers
are often fascinating and different than you’d expect. Your sincere
interest will endear you to them and you’ll learn a lot as well.
Naturally, they will ask you them same questions about yourself, and in
only a few minutes you have made a lasting connection.
0 Comments: