Some people are known to be loners, reticent. If you are one of them,
you avoid social encounters. You don’t make too many friends and like
keeping to yourself. People, and encounters with them, make you
uncomfortable. You find it difficult to have meaningful and positive
interactions with others. Maybe you have tried before but it only led to
bad results – there were misunderstandings, hurt and heart breaks,
incompatibility. Maybe you even feel that most people, if not everyone,
are potential sources of trouble. You feel that if you try to build a
relationship, sooner or later, something is going to go wrong between
you and them. They don’t really understand you, they can’t understand you.
You have decided that you are better off without this trouble. You
don’t need them, you are happy by yourself. You believe that people are
different, some connect well with other while some don’t. Maybe you are
one of those who don’t. You believe that your happiness is within you
and you don’t need anything external to be happy and content. You are in
total control of yourself, you are totally compatible with yourself,
you are enough for You. Why even get into something where you are not
totally in control and that is usually painful? Over the years, you have
learnt how to live with yourself and be content. You are self reliant
now.
Our happiness is within ourselves.
I totally agree that our happiness is within our selves. If you
believe this, you are already a very good step ahead of the majority of
the masses, who seek their happiness in others and remain forever
wanting. There are so many who can’t imagine being alone, by themselves.
They seek the company of others more because they seek security in
numbers. There are too many people who have a lot of superficial friends
but no genuine ones. While sharing happiness is good, looking for your
happiness and security in others is weakness.
Those who are like that, those who have no genuine friends, those who
have to put up a false front in front of even the closest friends, need
to ask themselves what are their reasons for being with such friends.
… Then why connect with others?
Having said that, connecting with others has its benefits too. In
fact, it is quite essential in personal growth and multiplying your
happiness. It provides two very distinctive good things – one, you can
share your happiness with others and, consequently, make it multiply
manifolds. Two, you can learn from others.
We are social animals. And we are conscious beings. It is our nature
to learn from others, to grow as a result of our transactions, to share
our knowledge and happiness with others. Other human beings are a part
of our conscious reality. Interacting with them, connecting with them
helps us discover parts of ourselves we have not yet seen. It’s a
process of self discovery. This world is one big whole and we are all
connected. Consciously accepting this connection and acknowledging the
bond of love helps us understand our true nature and helps us grow.
Multiply happiness by sharing it. While our
happiness is within us, it expands and multiplies so much more when we
share it with those whom we find compatible with us. Don’t believe me?
Go out and find someone genuinely in need of help. Offer your help. It
can be a helpless destitute whom you provide a meal or just help an old
person cross a road. Know of someone who is going through bad times and
needs talking to? Go and offer your company. While going to such people
may seem contrary to your liking, once you help them, you may be
surprised by the happiness this induces in you. Helping others is also a
selfish act. It’s for your own good.
Now try connecting with someone whose company you cherish. If there
is none, find the closest match you can. Just go up to this person an
tell him/her how much you appreciate their company and their presence in
your life. After saying this, just sit there, don’t try to make
meaningless talk. Let things flow. A deep, meaningful conversation may
ensue, or you may just sit in silence together with an invisible bond
between you that makes your hearts warm. This, is connection. This is
pure joy, a feeling of completeness and not wanting anything else, nor
wishing to run to finish another errand. There is no substitute to this
joy, and nothing that comes with money can buy it.
This might not come right away, or every time you try, it might take
some iterations to remove mental blocks to this flow of joy. But it is
definitely worth the effort.
Learn from others. The way the actions of others
affect you, the way they make you respond, tells a lot about you. It’s
an opportunity for personal understanding and growth, that is not to be
missed. When you get mad at someone, it is something inside you that you
are not happy with. Your ego doesn’t like being held responsible so it
promptly points towards the other person.
It’s true that you don’t find every connection positive. You have to
seek out those with whom you feel more energized, more positive. Others
are also a part of you. They are not to be hated or avoided. It’s just
that you focus more on the positives.
When you can see yourself reflected in those around you, your joy knows no bounds.
What about low self esteem and fear? Fear comes from
the idea of separation. We are not separate from each other. We are all
connected. Quantum physics has a lot of evidences pointing towards the
connected ness of the whole Universe. You don’t feel afraid of yourself,
then why be afraid of others who are as much part of you.. The inputs
you get from others may not all be comfortable but they are all useful
insights, they are an opportunity to learn and grow, to improve
yourself.
If you think others find you boring, you have to start asking
yourself questions – ‘Have I been looking for positive connections in
the wrong places? Do I need to let go of myself in front of others.
Should I not take jokes personally and learn to laugh along with
others?’ You will have to ask yourself questions, experiment and learn.
It most probably won’t become all rosy right away, growth requires
effort. But avoiding this effort will be to live a life less beautiful,
it would mean to have just existed.
What to do about hurt and misunderstandings? Again
the same applies. They are a reflection of you and all hurt and
misunderstandings are opportunities to learn and improve. Gold shines
only after going through fire. And fire is not necessarily bad, it is
only so if we think it is. It can be used to burn homes, or it can be
used to cook your food. What is bad is no the fire, but the use you put
it to. These uncomfortable occurrences are bad if we think they are. It
is possible to love and accept them, even learn from them.
You can either avoid such situations, live in a comfort zone, never
improving, never growing your happiness. Or you can accept them, stop
resisting them and surrender to them, observe them, observe yourself in
them, and come out a better, more knowledgeable person than you were.
Bad situations will occur more in the beginning. Once you stop
resisting them, their frequency decreases and dies out. You learn and
become better with each mistake. Most benefits will come when you have
made a lot of mistakes and learned a lot. It takes time, you will have
to be patient. The good thing is, the path of real learning is exciting
and interesting by itself. You will be enjoying each and every nugget of
wisdom on your way!
What to do to make better relations and friends? Well, just go out and make them 
Try, fail, learn, try again…
Try, fail, learn, try again…
You will find the way.
*****
If you have a problem with people, it points to something about
yourself that you don’t like. But ignoring or avoiding them is ignoring a
part of yourself.
Whatever we see and perceive, is part of our reality. We learn and
grow by observing our world. While all objects are beautiful and
magnificent in nature, nothing compares to connecting with a conscious
being. Connecting with objects feels good, connecting with trees, who
are living beings like us, feels better. Animals are even better. When
you observe and connect with animals, especially pets, you feel so
intensely alive and aware. They are so totally ‘in the moment’ that they
pull you into it. The next, higher level is connection with another
conscious human being. It’s almost like looking into a mirror.
Like any other thing that is helpful, being able to create meaningful
and up lifting relationships comes with some effort. If you say you
don’t need people and social interactions, I think you are just shying
away from a bitter truth – you don’t want to make the effort and lack
the courage it takes to build fulfilling relationships.
Make the effort, don’t be lazy, don’t deny yourself life. Expand into your true self.
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