Last week I asked the Miracle Question from Solution-Focused Therapy.
The Miracle Question is simply, “If while you slept a miracle occurred
tonight that solved all of your problems, how would you know when you
woke up in the morning that a miracle occurred? What would be
different?” The first step, of course, is answering the question, but if
you just stopped there you might be left feeling a bit frustrated.
There are generally two reactions to the Miracle Question.
Some people are already living their “miracle life,” and by answering
the question, they simply reinforce how happy and content they are. Good
for them, but what about everyone else?
What if your current reality is completely different from your
miracle life? What if by answering the Miracle Question you discover
that the life you are living is not at all the life you want? I call
this divide between what is and what is wanted the gap. The gap can be
painful. It can cause frustration and paralysis . . . or it can spur
excitement, fortitude, and action.
So you have a choice to make. Continue living as you have been and
hope a miracle occurs that fixes all of your problems and gives you the
life you want, or decide that you will be your own miracle? The Miracle Question is
just the first step. It’s only designed to get you thinking about what
you want to be different. The next step is a crucial one. It’s
discovering what you need to do to start living those differences.
Let’s look at an example. Let’s say your current reality is that you
live alone, work at a job you don’t like, and feel disconnected from
your friends and family. But upon waking after a miracle has occurred,
you are lying next to the love of your life, driving into a job that you
love, and finishing preparations for a dinner party you are hosting at
your house that evening.
In this example, the gap between what currently is and what is
desired is wide, but is it impossible to bridge? I don’t think so. Coert Visser, a psychologist an expert in Solution-Focused Therapy,
recommends asking what parts of the miracle you can already start
doing. Could you host a dinner party for your friends and family? What
about just calling a friend and taking them out to lunch? Could you
start night classes in the other 8 hours to move closer to your dream
job? Doing any of these things helps you start — even in a small way —
living your miracle.
Maybe that example was too simple. Let’s take this to the extreme. In
the aftermath of losing a loved one, the survivor’s miracle is usually
that they wake up and their loved one is alive again. This would require
a miracle indeed, but if you dig deeper, there might be some small way
to start living this miracle. What is missing now that the loved one is
gone? Maybe companionship, security, someone to talk to, a shoulder to
cry on, a comfortable routine, or a travel partner? What small steps
could this person take to start realizing this miracle? How about to
spend more time with friends, join a Meetup group, start a book club,
participate in a survivor’s group, etc. No change is too small.
One of the founding beliefs in Solution-Focused Therapy
is that small changes can lead to big results. It’s the butterfly
effect for personal development. A small and seemingly insignificant
change can create profound consequences that sometimes defy logical
explanation. Jeffrey Guterman, Ph.D., and author of Solution-Focused Counseling
writes, “A small change can result in a snowball effect that, in turn,
leads to bigger changes and the resolution of bigger problems.” No
change is too small.
What is the smallest step you can take today to start living your miracle?
0 Comments: