Why do so many people fall short of their goals, even when they
actively prepare and plot out a course of action? The answer is
surprisingly simple.
Our motivations are flawed.
Oh, we formulate our plans well enough. We envision the end
results. We plan our steps out carefully. But there is one crucial
element that we often forget. And that is our motivation. Or, more
importantly, the fact that our individual motivations are based on words, and that these words have meanings.
This probably doesn’t surprise you. Of course words have meanings. There are entire dictionaries that prove that fact.
But I’m not talking about meanings in the literal sense. I’m talking
about meanings in the personal sense. For many of us, words carry
several layers of contextual meaning and association in addition to
their literal meanings. And this little fact, hidden in plain sight, is
often the thread that unravels many of our best-laid plans.
Still a bit confused?
Okay, let me use myself as an example. I have been grossly
overweight for most of my adult life. I’m 6’1”, and at one point, I
weighed close to 300 pounds. I was so disappointed in myself. But
every time I formed a plan to lose weight, I would lose a few pounds…and
then motivation would drop, and I would swell back up twice as fast.
It took me a few years to figure out what the problem was. I took a
good look at my motivators, and realized that I was associating dieting
and weight loss with willpower and self-discipline, so those were my
sole sources of motivation. “If I really want it,” I told myself, “I’ll
be disciplined. I’ll exercise my willpower and stay true to my diet.”
The problem wasn’t that I had no willpower or discipline. The problem
was the meanings that I associated with those words.
But aren’t willpower and discipline good things?
Yes and no. To me, ‘willpower’ implied a regimen of punishment and
brutal self-denial. I couldn’t eat what I wanted. I had to exercise
regularly, even when I didn’t want to. And ‘discipline’ wasn’t much
better. On one level, yes, it means immaculate self-control. But it
also means punishment. So in using these thoughts of willpower and
discipline to fuel my weight loss, I was unknowingly turning my weight
loss into an oppressive act that my mind naturally felt the urge to
rebel against. I couldn’t stick with a diet or exercise regimen for
more than a few weeks.
My mind would subconsciously fight back. I would start stressing. I
would give in to the stress and eat. And then I would grow depressed
over my failure.
This cycle did nothing but solidify the reputations of ‘willpower’
and ‘discipline’ as evil entities in my mind. And as long as that was
happening, I couldn’t make any headway in my weight loss at all.
It all finally came to a head when I was trying to run laps around a
local high school track one day. I just stopped, plopped down on the
track, and buried my head in my hands. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I hated exercise. I hated eating right. What little intrinsic value
that weight loss had held for me had been completely obliterated by a
lack of hope.
So is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
Well, luckily for me, a friend of mine convinced me to give Parkour* a
try a couple of weeks later. Strangely enough, I found that the more I
studied the art, the more I enjoyed it. I loved the movements, and the
philosophy behind them. I found myself getting excited to get out and
practice every day. And as a result, I was sweating off two or three
times as many calories as when I was actively trying to exercise.
I wasn’t associating my workouts with willpower. I wasn’t
controlling my diet out of discipline. I was watching what I ate
because I wanted to get stronger and better at what I did. In pursuing
my passion, I had unknowingly changed the way that my mind interpreted
my weight loss and exercise. I was no longer forcing myself to work. I
was letting myself have fun.
The happy ending
After starting Parkour, I lost 90 pounds in a year, and I’ve stayed below 190 pounds for over two years now.
And all it took was a simple change in association.
Thank you for reading, my friends. Please enjoy and share, and may your lives be perpetually enriched.
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