There’s an area of your life you want to change, but you can’t
achieve it on your own. Who do you turn to for help? Perhaps, your
family. More than likely, your friends.
Friendship is one of the most important support networks we have to rely on.
Whenever possible, we aim to surround ourselves with folk whose
advice, opinions, and practical assistance we value. When the going gets
tough, it’s reassuring to know that you have at least a few individuals
on your side, ready with encouraging words or an objective point of
view on a difficult situation.
But friends can actually stop you from moving forward with aspects of your life- without them knowing they’re doing it.
You might think that there’s no way those people you’d call your
‘friends’ would ever want to hinder your goals and ambitions. Surely
that’s what your enemies are for. Usually, it’s not even deliberate…
sometimes those with our best interests at heart can still stop us from
growing.
The Limiting Effect of Familiarity
Over the course of any relationship, we grow accustomed to the other
individual’s personality. We can confidently predict what someone will
say or how they’ll react in a particular situation. Their habits become
so familiar to us that we begin to expect them to behave in certain
ways.
There is, however, a risk that our perception of our friend’s
character becomes fixed. When this happens, we don’t allow them the
potential to develop in new directions that challenge our set view of
who they are.
When we restrict someone to only be what we’re used to them being,
our actions towards them can subtly become negative. There might be the
gentle put down remark instead of a compliment. Or the slightly
misguided advice offered to point you on a different path than the one
you want to go. It doesn’t mean these tactics to put you off are
planned. Rather, they can be subconscious attempts to maintain the
status quo within a relationship – one with which the other person is
comfortable.
There are several possible reasons why a friend might be holding you back.
Fear of losing your friendship
The worry is that as you change, the dynamics of your relationship
will alter too. Your friend may believe that the qualities which make
you compatible with each other will disappear. Their insecurity means
they think you’ll start liking them less.
Their own desire to change
Once you take steps towards achieving your goals, the other person
has to ask themselves how satisfied they are with their own life. They
may envy your ability to get on with the task, while they struggle to
get started – if you can do it, why can’t they?
To stop you from making mistakes
Before you take action designed to improve your life, your friend may
warn you of things that could go wrong if you go ahead. It’s good to
have the benefit of this second opinion which can highlight consequences
you hadn’t thought about. Listen to your friend’s point of view and
carefully consider their opinion.
In the end, however, although they may regard your decision as a mistake, it’s your mistake to make. All they can do is to be there for you through the ups and downs which may come along as a result.
To protect your feelings
It is possible to be honest with someone and yet not tell them the whole truth.
When I was trying to lose weight, my friends would say I looked fine
the way I was despite me knowing deep down that this was not the case. I
wanted to be healthier and appear fitter. After I lost 98 pounds, I
realized that they’d only said this so I wouldn’t feel worse at being
overweight. Unless I’d been as determined to shed the weight as I was,
my friends’ well-meant reassurances could have caused me to be
complacent. I might not have bothered to put in the hard work of
dramatically changing my eating habits and exercising more.
Kind words can keep friends from going forward as much as cruel ones.
Get the Backing of Your Friends
It is extremely useful to involve your friends in the early days as
you plan the changes in your life. By explaining clearly what you want
to do and why, there’s no doubt about your intentions. Any reservations
your friends have can be addressed right from the outset.
As time goes on, you can judge the level of support you are getting
from each of your friends. Be aware of how much – and in what way – they
are encouraging you.
Ultimately, if you feel that a friend is proving to be a force
against change – even after you tackle them about it – you have to
decide whether that person is worth having in your life. Without mutual
trust and support, there isn’t much point in maintaining such a negative
bond. It’s a harsh reality of relationships, but sometimes friends have
to be allowed to drift away.
It’s only natural that we want our friends to be our cheerleaders,
pushing for us to do well. While it’s fantastic to have other people
helping us along the way, any improvements in our lives are dependent on
your own motivation, determination, and willpower.
Other people may seek to prevent you succeeding. But, just as no one
can reach your goals and ambitions on your behalf, neither should you
let anyone else stop you from getting there either.
Have you ever felt that any of your friends were sabotaging your
efforts to live the life you want? How did you deal with the situation?
Please share your own tips and advice in the comments section.
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