‘There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.’ ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox
You want to lose weight, but you keep eating poorly.
You know you need to exercise, but you just can’t seem to get moving.
You’d like to start that project, but maybe you’ll do it tomorrow when you aren’t so tired.
Our dreams and good intentions are powerful, real, and hold the
promise of a happier life, a better you, a sense of pride and
accomplishment. But when the rubber meets the road, when it’s time to
take action, it feels like you are wading waist-high in water with
weights tied to your feet. Your heart is willing, but your mind and body
resist. The mental difficulty of even the smallest actions can be
shocking and immensely disappointing.
If you have intended with all of your heart to create a good habit,
drop a bad one, fulfill a goal, or complete a project, and you have
failed at it, you are not alone. Nearly everyone has difficulty
maintaining resolve and following through. Even those who are
self-disciplined weren’t born that way. It is a learned skill — one that
takes practice and the specific knowledge of how to go about it.
When you become a master at launching but a failure at completion, self-esteem inevitably plummets.
Thoughts like, “I’m weak, I’m lazy, this is too hard for me,” often
creep in to poison your confidence and further weaken your resolve. To
save face, perhaps you create excuses — you’re too busy, you aren’t
feeling well, you don’t really need to change. All of this behavior is
smoke and mirrors, an attempt by your psyche to keep you comfortably
ensconced in inertia and the status quo.
It is as thought there are two people inside of you. There’s the one
who wants things comfortable, easy, uncomplicated, immediately
satisfying, and unchanging. But then there’s the other you — the one who
won’t allow the first to be satisfied with the status quo. It’s the
“potential you” who continues to attempt positive change, growth, and
life betterment. These two are in a constant battle, with the “status
quo you” coming out on top more often that not.
So how does one strengthen the “potential you” with the resolve to
conquer the status quo? How does one get over the hump of resistance,
inertia, and discomfort that is the standard response to anything new
and hard?
You know it can be done, because you’ve seen others do it. Unless you
have a mental or physical handicap, your circumstances and difficulties
are no different that anyone’s.
If you aren’t following through to create a habit, accomplish
a goal, and complete a task, there are really only three things
standing in your way.
1. Lack of desire. You may say you want something,
but you don’t want it badly enough to deal with the discomforts and
inconvenience of getting it.
2. Lack of honesty. You are not being real with
yourself about your desire for this accomplishment. You aren’t accepting
100% personal responsibility for making this happen. Everything is a
choice — your choice.
3. Lack of information. You don’t have the practical information or skills to overcome resistance and follow through consistently.
Each of these roadblocks can be overcome, allowing you to strengthen
your resolve to accomplish just about anything your mind and body are
capable of accomplishing. Here are 12 strategies for doing just that:
1. Do your research. Before you begin any new habit
or goal, give yourself several days to know exactly what’s involved in
making this change happen. How much time will it take? How will you
insert it into your day? Who else will it impact and how will you deal
with them? What special equipment or information will you need? What
preparation is necessary? What must you give up to make this happen? How
will it impact your life once you’ve accomplished it?
2. Make an honest decision. Armed with the knowledge
from your research, make an informed and honest choice. Are you willing
to do the work involved in making this thing happen? Will the outcome
be worth the effort? It’s hard to know for sure until you start taking
action, but you should have some idea of what to expect before you
charge ahead.
3. Reduce overwhelm. If the goal or habit seems
daunting, it will quash your desire to work hard for it. Break it down
into small, simple, and brief actions or tasks. Make it so easy to do
that it doesn’t feel like a chore. With a new habit, start with five
minutes a day, every day — slowly increasing your time over several
weeks.
4. Make a public promise. Tell people what you are
doing. Announce it to friends, family, on Facebook and Twitter. When you
go public with your intentions, it immediately strengthens your
resolve. A public commitment shifts your own thinking about your
seriousness. No one wants to be embarrassed in front of others.
5. Set up regular accountability. Create a system of
accountability so that you can report your actions, successes and
failures, every day. This may be a friend or it could be on Facebook or
in a forum of some kind. Don’t just announce it once and then disappear.
Let the world know about your progress.
6. Expect difficulties. There will be life
situations that might try to get in the way of your efforts. And it is
so easy to allow them to undermine your work. Think in advance of
possible problems that might arise and decide how you will deal with
these situations. Decide in advance what you will allow to interrupt
your work and stick to the plan.
7. Use positive self-talk. When you want to quit,
your mind starts reaching for excuses and reasons to give you an exit
ramp from the work you are doing. Be aware of your mind’s efforts to
sabotage you, and intentionally begin saying supportive and positive
things to yourself the minute you feel mental resistance.
8. Visualize the outcome. Visualization has an
incredibly powerful effect on the brain. It can actually rewire neural
pathways in your brain to support the physical efforts you are making.
Take a few minutes prior to taking action on your habit or goal to
visualize yourself accomplishing it.
9. Move past failure. It takes practice to
strengthen resolve and follow through on just about any endeavor. And if
you tackle something hard, like diet or exercise, chances are good you
will fail a few times before you are successful. Failure doesn’t mean it
can’t be done. It might mean you started too big or didn’t plan ahead.
Learn from the failure and start again, correcting what you think caused
you to give up. Be kind to yourself and know that building resolve is a
work in progress.
10. Attempt one at a time. You may have many goals
and many things you want to accomplish, but until you strengthen your
resolve with one effort, don’t attempt to tackle several at a time.
Begin the process of strengthening your resolve with something easy.
When you accomplish that, move on to another, slightly harder effort.
Build up to difficult goals or tasks so that you know what to expect and
how to cope with interferences or problems.
11. Practice resolve in small ways daily. Without
judging your success or failure, attempt to resist small temptations
during your day (ie: snacking, surfing the internet too long,
gossiping). Prove to yourself that you are capable of small acts of
self-discipline. These little successes will support your larger efforts
at strengthening resolve.
12. Accept full responsibility for your actions. Most
of what happens to us in life is a result of our own choices. Yes,
there are some things that are out of our control, but even then, we can
choose how to react to them. We are not victims. We have an endless
array of choices that can change the quality of our lives. There is
tremendous power in that.
You have the gift of a powerful brain, but it sometimes has a mind of
its own! Fortunately, you also have the ability to harness that power
and apply it to a fixed purpose that can enhance your life, your
health, and your happiness. If you exercise your mental muscle of
resolve, over time, you will develop the mental strength and confidence
to accomplish whatever you set out to do.
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