The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with a business
associate, spouse, parent, client or, friend, is trust. Trust is not
something that can be built with quick fix techniques. Rather, it is
something that is cultivated through consistent habits in your
interactions. The following are twelve patterns of behavior that
increase trust in your relationships.
1. Be transparent
Do not try to hide things from others. Refuse to have any hidden
agendas. You might think you can pull a fast one on someone else. You
can’t. Most people have good intuition and even though they may not be
able to consciously determine that you are hiding something, they very
likely will have an uneasy feeling around you. If they don`t feel
comfortable around you, they won`t be able to trust you.
Another sinister aspect of having hidden agenda is that it erodes
your ability to trust others. You will assume that if you aren’t fully
forthcoming, other people aren’t either. When you are trustworthy,
however, you will see others as more trustworthy too.
2. Be sincere
This is similar to the previous point. Only say what you mean. Be
impeccably honest with your words. Refuse to try and craft your words
to manipulate others. Don`t give fake compliments, patronize others or
say something just because you think you are supposed to. Again, people
have good BS detectors. When others know that you only speak
genuinely, it increases their capacity to trust you. Everyone loves
authenticity.
3. Focus on adding value
In any relationship, always have the best interest of others at
heart. Work hard to give as much or more than you get. When you
consistently add value to someone`s life, they not only feel like you
are on their side, they also have the urge to reciprocate. In business
relationships, this means always under-promise and over-deliver. In
personal relationships, focusing on meeting the needs of the other
person instead of taking in order to get your own needs met.
4. Be present
The last thing anyone wants is to have a conversation with someone
who isn’t there. Instead of retreating into your head, focus on
listening to others. Whenever you are with someone, make them your
primary focus. Don’t think about work while you are at home talking to
your spouse. Don’t think about life at home when you are with a client.
When it comes to relationships, presence means quality time and
quality time builds trust.
5. Always treat people with respect
Ever since we were little kids, we have been taught to be respectful.
However, when our standards get violated or there is no one around to
see (read: we don`t think there will be any consequences), we can often
engage in petty behavior. This encompasses a wide range of actions from
personal attacks during arguments to gossiping behind someone’s back.
Always remember that another person’s inherent worth as a human being
entitles them to be treated with dignity. When people know that you
will always treat with them respect, it is very natural for trust to
flourish.
6. Take responsibility
When you mess up, which you invariably will, be quick to clean it up.
Skip the excuses and just take responsibility. Justifying and making
excuses may help you in the short term but in the long run, it does
nothing for your character or the level of trust you are given.
Accountability is a rare trait these days with most people wanting to
avoid negative consequences at all costs. Dare to be different and you
will win the trust of others.
7. Focus on feedback
Unless you`re a mind reader, the only way you can know how well a
relationship is going is by getting feedback from the other person. Be
not only willing to accept feedback – actively seek it out. Many
people are afraid to give you feedback, especially if its negative, out
of fear that they will offend. Ask with sincerity and respond
respectfully and others will be far more willing. Take both the
positive and negative into account along with your own judgment and
adjust your behaviour accordingly.
8. Take criticism well
Learn to handle criticism with grace. Instead of getting defensive,
consider the possibility that what the other person is saying might be
true. Closing yourself off from criticism has the effect of closing off
all communication.
In some cases, the criticism may indeed be inaccurate. In these
instances, you have the opportunity to show empathy. Try to understand
the problem from the other person’s point of view. Perhaps the
criticism is just a thinly veiled attack that stems from a deeper upset
they may have with you. In these cases, your willingness to dig deeper
without getting defensive will certainly enhance the trust in the
relationship.
9. Set boundaries
Be clear about how you expect people to behave around you. Again, do
this in a mature manner: be sincere and respectful. When you have
clear standards, people know exactly how to behave around you and that
gives them certainty. The strength that you communicate by setting
boundaries builds trust – when someone knows that they can`t take
advantage you that alleviates the fear that someone else will.
10. Be a class act
Hold yourself to a higher a standard. Be quick to apologize when you
know you are wrong. Only speak well of others, even those who don`t
speak well of you.
Why should you do this? First, imagine what it would do to your
sense of self to know that other people only have good experiences with
you. Second, imagine how much trust such behaviour engenders in others.
Finally, imagine the example you set for others – the conduct of
others will improve just by being around you consistently.
11. Your word is your bond
Keep all the promises you make and ensure that you make promises only
sparingly. Make your word stronger than any written contract. Refuse
to make empty promises and manipulate people.
When a promise you have made is no longer beneficial to you, instead
of deciding to not follow through, attempt to renegotiate the deal.
When you renegotiate the agreement, ensure that the new commitment
provides even more value to the other person.
12. Be consistent
Above all, be consistent in your behavior. Don’t engage in the
behavior once in a while when it seems convenient. Your consistency is
the key to your trustworthiness. Small actions add up and a track
record of high character is invaluable in any relationship. Become
intensely principle-centered and trust will follow easily and
consistently.
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