How much do you want from life? Right now, stop for a moment and
think about one word you would use to describe your life today. Got it?
If you knew you could open a door that would lead you to an even more
fulfilling and extraordinary life, would you open it? What if there was
some manageable pain involved?
Well, here’s the good news and the bad news: that door does exist, but almost always, the pain does to.
All growth involves some level of discomfort. But the discomfort is short-lived. The growth is forever.
If you view life as a circle, most of us live inside that circle
where everything is comfortable and familiar. Occasionally, we might be
forced outside by unexpected circumstances, and the brave among us might
take a moment to look around at this new and scary landscape. But
mostly, we scurry back to the safety of our circle.
Here’s a truth you already know: really bold leaps in our
personal growth and quality of life happen only when step outside of
that circle and keep walking.
The world has so much to offer — great adventures, interesting
people, beauty, learning, emotional development, profound experiences.
And we have such a short time on this planet — somewhere around 30,000
days if we live to our mid-eighties.
Why do we resist stretching ourselves beyond our circles when real living is on the other side?
Here are some of the reasons:
- We fear the unknown. It might be worse than what we have now.
- We fear failure and looking bad in the eyes of others.
- We fear success. It will require more of us.
- We have limiting beliefs about what we “should” do and can do.
- We don’t believe we are deserving.
- We don’t want to offend other people.
- We can’t or won’t imagine how truly amazing life could be.
- We think it will require resources we don’t have.
- We don’t like discomfort.
On that 30,000th day, don’t look back on your life and say, “If only.
. . .” Life is a string of “right nows.” Whatever it is that you hope
might happen in the future won’t happen unless you are doing something
about it right in this very moment.
Living outside of your circle doesn’t mean you have to go climb Mt.
Everest or make a million dollars (unless that’s what you want to do).
It does mean shifting up to the next level. Some stretches might move
you forward a little, and some might propel you into an entirely new
world. Both are good. All forward movement is good.
The key is to take action. Don’t sit around waiting for something to happen in your life. Make it happen.
Here are some practical ideas for doing just that:
1. Start with awareness. By reading this article,
you are probably thinking about your life and how it could be better,
more exceptional. Recognize right now that more is possible for you, and
it can be achieved.
2. Access what you want. What do you want to
achieve, learn, accomplish, enjoy and understand? Create a list with
categories for career, family, travel, self-development, education or
any others that apply to your life. Under each category, write down your
heart’s desire — without limitations.
3. Pick your top five. Don’t overwhelm yourself
with everything on your list. You will not be able to do everything. But
you can do many things and still make your life profoundly better. For
now, pick your top five, but hold on to your list.
4. Pick something easy. Create momentum and
excitement by starting with an easy goal. Something that won’t involve
to much of a stretch. Maybe it’s a trip you’ve wanted to take or a class
you have been thinking about. Choose one item from your stretch list.
When it’s completed, start with the next goal.
5. For now, don’t think. Just start taking small
actions. Write down everything to accomplish your goal — from making
calls, saving money, setting appointments, doing research. Don’t
over-think it or question yourself. Make your action list and then just
do it. One action at a time.
6. Challenge assumptions. Fear and self-doubt will
creep in. You must challenge assumptions and negative thinking. If you
keep thinking you can’t do something, or you aren’t smart enough, then
you are creating a self-fulfilling cycle of inertia. Even if you don’t feel confident, pretend that you do. Mentally resist when you start negative self-talk, and switch gears to thinking, “I can, I will.”
7. Befriend failure. Begin to view failure as a
friend, not an enemy. We are not handed a road map to explore new
territory. We set out on our adventure with a hazy view of the way
forward. We may take wrong turns, but we have to take them to find the
correct path. Love every failure, because it is part of growth. If you
avoid failure, you are restricting your life.
8. Make it public. This is a real stretch, but a
very successful one. When you begin a new goal or challenge, tell
someone — anyone, everyone. Make it public. Now, you are accountable. It
is human nature, when others are watching you, you will work harder. If
you are serious about doing something, tell people. And tell them your
deadline.
9. Find a mentor. Find someone whose life you want
to emulate. Study that person. Learn how they accomplished and achieved.
If they are living and you can connect with them, ask them questions
and advice. Find someone who will inspire you to move forward.
10. Look stupid. Be willing to reveal what you
don’t know. Everyone has areas of ignorance. Truly smart people are
eager to learn and willing to expose their lack of knowledge. Once you
get past that embarrassment, the learning is the easy part!
11. Ignore other people. Strive to detach from what
other people think about you. People spend more time thinking about
themselves anyway. The first and main person you have to please is
yourself. Then your family and maybe a few close friends who are
authentic. After that, you are chasing your tail. What other people
think doesn’t matter.
12. Stop resisting. Remember the old pinball
machines? You’d pull a lever and the ball would bounce off walls as it
sought it’s way forward. Approach life that way. You are going to hit
obstacles — whether it’s negative people or circumstances. Instead of
resisting, move in a different direction. Bad things happen along the
path, but don’t get stuck in them. Move away from them.
13. Think creatively. You don’t have to be an artist
to be creative. As you approach a goal or action step, challenge
yourself to find a bigger, better, or different way. The internet is an
amazing resource for this. Look at what others are doing. Steal ideas
and make them your own. Think big. Now think bigger.
14. Remove distractions. Whatever you are working
on, work on that one thing. Don’t get distracted by emails, phone calls,
other pending projects, or intruding extraneous thoughts. Focus on the
task at hand, every single time.
15. Simplify everything. In order to achieve what
will take you to the next level, you have to let go of what’s tethering
you to the mundane. Begin some mental, emotional, and mental
housekeeping. Where are you spending time that is draining your energy
and resources? Are you spending time caring for material things that
don’t contribute to a better quality of life? Do you have too many
mindless tasks? Start eliminating these things, and free up tons of
valuable time.
16. Try new things. Whenever you have the
opportunity, try something new. A new hobby, new friends, a new type of
book, a new idea. Expose yourself to different ways of doing things and
thinking about things. Find new environments for learning. This will
open new pathways to growth that you never knew existed.
17. Set a big challenge. Chris Guillebeau, the
founder of the blog The Art of Non-Conformity, has set the astounding
goal of visiting every country in the world (except those in turmoil) by
the time he’s 35. He is 32 now. He chronicles his adventures for his
blog followers. Create a big challenge for yourself, just for the fun of
it. If you don’t make it, big deal. But if you do . . . .
18. Join a community. There’s lots of support out
there for whatever you are doing. Get involved in a group of like-minded
people who can cheer you on, inspire you, offer input and provide
support.
19. Acknowledge yourself. Every
step forward should be celebrated. We get so mired in the doing that we
forget the being. Take time to ponder the growth you have made and the
goals you have achieved. Share these achievements with family and
friends. Write them down. You are becoming a different person.
20. Enjoy the process. As you take steps to stretch
yourself and create a better life, don’t forget to savor the “right
now.” The process of growth is forever, so you will always be in
process. All you really have is this very moment — this is your life, so
see the beauty in it.
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