One of the most popular articles I’ve ever written covered the subject of building self confidence. The chief criticism of this article was that you can’t just decide to be confident. You either have confidence or you don’t.
This type of thinking is flat out wrong and harmful to those who
subscribe to it. The reason you CAN choose to become confident is the
confidence feedback loop.
You might not be able to control your level of confidence, but you
can control your actions. You can choose to act in ways that confident
people act, even if you aren’t confident. I’ve experience that simply
acting confident helps, but an even more important factor is the
perception of others.
As one astute commenter pointed out, there is no outward difference
between a truly confident person and a person who is posing as
confident. The outside signals are the same, so observers perceive both
people as confident. They treat both people with the admiration and
respect commanded by confident people.
This is the confidence feedback loop. Once others start to treat you
like a confident person, you start to believe it. The confidence you
were faking before becomes real, leading to more positive feedback,
leading to more confidence. It’s a virtuous cycle.
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