One popular saying that’s always struck me as particularly stupid and
harmful is, “People don’t change.” Although everyone has ingrained
personality traits, we aren’t held captive by them. Believing that we
can’t change encourages us to accept our weaknesses. How many people
with substance problems claim they aren’t capable of stopping? It’s much
easier to continue a harmful behavior when responsibility is placed on
an outside force like genetics or an “addictive personality”.
Saying people can’t change is the same as saying people can’t learn.
When you learn something new that knowledge fundamentally changes you.
Each piece of information adds to your personal database, creating
additional resources to draw on when interacting with the outside world.
We face the same temptations to engage in negative behavior, but we
also build a body of experience that tells us the reward isn’t worth the
penalty.
In a sense we’re always changing and always staying the same. When I
compare my self of today with my self from a few years ago, I observe
that I’m the same but more. I’m the same in how I think and process
information but experience has changed the way I interpret everything.
Every day adds a new layer of character. We should anticipate aging with
optimism rather than dread. As we grow old the beauty steals inward (Emerson)
The saying “people don’t change” is harmful because it denies the
possibility of redemption. There is something profound about the
redeemed. The man who’s experienced the lowest rung of existence and
conquered his personal demons has an empathy that’s lacking in more
saintly people. In a society supposedly built on the Christian doctrine
of forgiveness it’s remarkable how eager we are to label people as
permanent degenerates. Circumstance and hardship lead many good people
to do foolish things. To say those mistakes are irredeemable is
hypocritical. If the world considered only your most depraved moments,
how would you be judged?
People do change. We make every decision for the first time with no
obligation to the past. If we control anything, we control our own
thoughts and behavior. If can improve anything, it should be ourselves.
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