A couple years ago I stopped believing in addiction. It’s not that I
doubt the strength or existence of chemical and psychological
dependencies — the bottom line is that everything is a choice. Addiction
is somewhat like peer pressure–it hovers around, urging you to do
something, but the decision to take action is yours. When people say
that they can’t give up an addiction, it usually means that deep down
they don’t want to or don’t believe that it’s possible.
The Good Parts of Bad Habits
The reason people stick with bad habits is that bad habits aren’t all
bad. Even the worst ones provide short periods of intense pleasure.
Others help people escape from the boredom of everyday life. Many bad
habits remind us of happy times in the past, or relationships we’ve
formed with friends and family over the years. Over time, we get used to
enjoying these pleasant qualities.The majority of “bad habits” aren’t
harmful until they cross a certain threshold. Alcohol, for instance, can
be an excellent social lubricant when used in moderation, and I doubt
the world would be a better place if chocolate cake and fatty foods
didn’t exist. The point where most bad habits become destructive is
when, instead of using them to enjoy life, we use them to escape from
it.
The Cycle of Escapism
Everyone feels the desire to escape. No matter how good you have it,
there are times when, instead of dealing with problems, you’d rather
pretend they don’t exist. We turn to bad habits because they allow us to
forget. They give us a pleasurable sensation that pushes problems out
of mind. The downfall of this solution is that it’s only temporary. The
feeling wears off and the problems remain, often made worse by our
indulgence.
Once again faced with our problems, the natural reaction is
to escape again.This is the cycle of escapism. We feel pain each time we
face reality, so we use a bad habit to escape, which only increases our
pain, making us more desperate to escape. Each time around it takes
more sensation to escape, increasing our dependency on a bad habit. When
you get caught in the whirlpool of escapism, it can feel impossible to
get out.
Developing Positive Beliefs
The only way to permanently break the cycle of escapism is to develop
a positive perception of reality. If you associate reality with pain,
you will constantly desire to escape. It’s essential to find happiness
in reality that outweighs the suffering caused by its problems. Find the
things in life give you true joy rather than temporary pleasure. These
are the actions that will build up your belief in a positive
reality.Changing your attitude towards reality is easier said than done.
When you’re accustomed to the cycle of pain and escape, reality feels
hopeless. The truth is that reality is neither bad or good, but an equal
mix of the two. Your attitude is a reflection of the parts that you
choose to focus on. By fixing your attention on sources of hope and joy,
you can create positive beliefs and reduce the desire to escape.
Breaking Free of the Past
Perhaps the two most powerful factors influencing behavior are our
actions in the past and the expectations of the people around us. This
creates resistance to change. Our friends and family members can only
judge us by our actions in the past, and frequently they have a stake in
our bad habits as well. Maybe they share the habit and act as mutual
enablers. Maybe they’re afraid of losing you–that you’ll start to
consider yourself superior and decide to abandon them.Relationships can
make dropping a bad habit more difficult because we need love and
acceptance from the people around us. If you’re trying to break out an
old pattern and the people around you aren’t, it’s likely that you’ll
eventually give up and return to your old ways because of the need for
love. The best way to permanently change habits is to surround yourself
with people you’d like to emulate who will naturally pull you up to
their level.That’s not to say you should ditch your old friends in
search of new opportunities. The truth is that change involve difficult
choices. You can’t remain bound by the past and change for the better at
the same time. You certainly can’t force other people to change with
you. Ultimately, you need to decide which is greater, the fear of loss
and the unknown, or the fear of stagnation and perpetual mediocrity.
Creating the Future in the Present
Another mistake people make is waiting for the future. Do you have a
picture of the “ideal life” you’d like to live? Is there an “ideal you”
you want to become? Most people live based on the past, waiting for a
revelation to make them who they want to be. It doesn’t work this way.
Your actions in the present determine the future. The only way to create
the future you want is to start living it right now.Once you start
living according to the future you want to create, it’s easy to spot the
behaviors that detract from it. When you realize that giving up bad
habits is a necessary and inevitable part of creating the life you
desire, addiction begins to lose it’s power over you. Temporary pleasure
and escape doesn’t have them same appeal.The more progress you make
towards your ideal future, the weaker the desire to escape from reality.
Just like the cycle of escapism, the pattern is self-reinforcing. Over
time, you are able to delight in habits that are congruent with your
vision — that strengthen a positive reality instead of numbing pain.
Eventually there is no need or desire to rely on addictions for relief
and pleasure can be enjoyed for its own sake.
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